NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
