have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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