I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
