worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
