i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
