we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
