I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
