oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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