You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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