Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
