Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
