I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
