By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My vagina is very pro this idea
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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