I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
