is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
