mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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