i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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