Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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