I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
