look no pants
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
