I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
