would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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