i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
