is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
