omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
