Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
