I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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