saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
