I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
