At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
