I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
