I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
