just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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