legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
