He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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