you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
