I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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