I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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