She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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