How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
