I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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