They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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