We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
