my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize