Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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