Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
