Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
