She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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