That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize