watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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