he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
