he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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