Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
