Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
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Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
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When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize