I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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