It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
