I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Quick, to the slutcave!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
