2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
