I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
