This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
