Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
