people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
