I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
