you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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