I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
