Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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