dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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