My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if only i could text you this smell
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
